06 January 2011

Baby Making- The Next Step

I started off my week with an ultrasound scheduled early Monday morning in anticipation of my visitor visiting over the weekend. Well the bitch never showed. I trucked my happy ass down to that clinic for nothing and was at a loss. I did get a call back saying that chances were good based on my last ultrasound that I had nothing to shed and that is why nothing happened. Ultrasound again scheduled for Tuesday.

Tuesday morning came and I was nervous that my previous hitchhiking cyst would be still there. I was ecstatic to find out it wasn't. I sat down all happy in the nurse's office to plan this cycle. I wasn't ready for that. I figured I'd be taking the round of clomid that I had stashed in my purse, get another ultrasound and an hcg shot and I'd be good to go. I was wrong. Since my lining was so thin and clomid could cause that, she bumped me up to the injectable stimulants. Ok. That will cost a little bit more than the pills but let's get this show on the road!

I returned to work and started looking up shit. I saw the price of getting that drug through Canada and almost fell out of my seat. I freaked the fuck out. I was in full blown panic attack. The pharmacy called and gave their price. It was about a third less than what I found on line but it still was a mint. I freaked the fuck out some more. I called my mom and cried. I freaked out via email to my bff (who is also going through this but has insurance to help pay for it). I probably could have drove off the road at that point in time and not cared.

I came home and started to read the insurance policies. I did find out hubby's insurance has a benefit. It is very very limited and not much but it gave me a glimmer of hope.

Hubby dropped the bomb that after this cycle we can't afford anymore for awhile. The price of this is so fucking expensive. As me and my bff has discussed, it sounds bad to say that this is so much to have a kid when raising the kid will be so much more expensive and how it sounds bad that we are forced to put a price on child. It is sad that the cost to make a baby for so many people is the price of a couple of beers and here we are having to buy oodles of shit to inject and fuck with our bodies. There should be a charity for women like us.

I'm crushed. I'm hopeful. I feel the most pressure on this cycle. The good Lord has his plan in mind and I don't know what it is yet and He'll bless us with a child when He's ready. I just pray it is this cycle.


Joker_SATX said...

Sorry that you are going through this. I am not even going to pretend to know what this is like. My thoughts are with you however. Here is hoping that this cycle sticks!

Anonymous said...

I really hope it works.... I know what it feels like to want a child so badly. Keep believing.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Good luck! I have everything crossed for you.