Mentally Defective

That's pretty much sums up how I'm feeling today. I did wake up in a pretty decent mood but then took them lovely fertility drugs which turn me into a rainbow spewing bucket of daisies. I've wanted to nap but haven't been able to fall asleep. I stew about the hubby being gone again hunting or doing whatever the fuck it is that he does there. I really do not feel like cleaning anything. I don't have the want to go anywhere. I'm just having a crabby ass day.

This last week went by in a blink. I flew to California on Monday for a class. The weather was awesome to say the least. It hit 100 on Wednesday while I

was out there so I drove til I found a beach. The water was cold. The sun was hot. The smell of rotting plant matter hung in the air. I did see an interesting sign while I was down there.

I'm not talking about the skateboarding one. If you can't read it, this is what it says: "Tsunami Hazard Zone In case of earthquake go to high ground or inland." That was enough of a sign for me to jump back in the convertible and go back to the hotel pool. It smelled nice there and I'm sure the water would be warmer too.

The one crazy thing that I noticed out there was how the little burb I was staying in smelled. I couldn't pin point what the smell was bit it was a cross of pine, sage, and eucalyptus. Sitting outside my room in the court yard I could smell it. Cruising down the road on the way to I5 I could smell it. It was like Glade took over the whole damn town and it was awesome!

Another thing I noticed out there was the lack of fast food places. I saw 1 Burger King and that was it. The number of sushi places there was pretty comparable to the number of fast food joints we have at home. Good thing I like sushi. In all actuality, I could go for some right now. I came home jonesin for some junk food. Now I could go for some good fresh food.

I'd also like to stay on this food theme and bitch about airport food. The shit all tastes the same. There may be a name brand on the food but it sure as hell does not taste or look like the same product that you'd get on the outside. The prices are also something to bitch about. 9 bucks for a sandwich? Really? $3.50 for a bottle of Coke? $5 for a bottle of juice? No wonder I eat like shit in an airport! I had pizza on the way home because I was starvin marvin. Godfather's Pizza to be exact. It tasted and looked just like the Uno's pizza at Ohare and the Sbarros in other airports. Yuck! There is only one thing that I've truly enjoyed food wise in an airport. The airport I usually fly out of has thing with cheese cubes, grapes, and carrots with dip. Not bad and the price is on the cheaper side for it being airport food.

I also want to thank everyone for their support, well wishes, and prayers this last cycle. The fat lady has sung on it and as I stated earlier, the drugs are back on board. I'm debating on starting some counseling to help me through some of this stuff. Coming from the hardcore Catholic upbringing, I've been taught that faith will get me through these times. Between the tears of talking with my mother, I had the thought of I'd actually like to talk with the nun that I grew up around. She was an awesome strong woman. I knew she transferred to a church near where I work so I figured I'd look her up. I get a call from my dad saying that they found her. She's exclusively doing counseling now. It's like a sign! I keep wavering on calling and making an appointment. What do I talk about? Do I just go in saying "can't get pregnant, God is hating me, and what the hell can I do to make this better?" I just know that after last Friday, I need to be better prepared for failure again this month. I don't ever think I've been that big of a wreck just short of a death in the family. That is so not healthy.

I should go grab a bottle of wine out of my trunk and get to work on that......