30 October 2010

Failed or Maybe?

I was up in the wee hours of the morning with a busting bladder and a hope in my heart. I was dreaming all night about positive pregnancy tests. I peed in Dora and dipped my stick. 5 minutes later......not a damn thing. That wall of failure came and hit me at record speeds and I tried to go back to bed. I failed again. Why would this month have been different? What have I done that is so horrible to be punished like this? Will this ever work? What does the good Lord have in his plan for me? Is it a baby of my own or is there an oops baby out there that he wants me to raise? All these questions came flooding through my brain.

I got up and went to work. I was a foggy bitch and nothing was bringing my spirits up. It's like mourning a loss of a loved one to some extent. The loss of this child.

There's was an angel on Twitter that somehow got me to see the light and gave me a glimmer of hope. Evil Twin's Wife explained things to me on a level that made sense. Hope is not yet lost for this cycle. I may be looking at it too soon. Somehow she got me to come around with a bit of hope to trudge on for a few more days. Thank you so much. I'm hoping this was a sign from God that sent me an angel to keep hope alive.

I'll be testing again tomorrow. I'm going to try a new test too. I better get to scouring Google to find the best option out there.

1 comment:

Joker_SATX said...

Chica, this Joker wishes you all the luck in the world!