23 September 2010

Another Kick In The Gut

I'm sitting here patiently waiting for my lovely cycle to start. Patiently. I just didn't take a week worth of hormones for nothing. I am constantly reminded that I'm not getting any younger and the one soul purpose that any human is put on this earth for, I cannot do. I failed the most simplest human task of reproducing.

I once again was slapped in the face by my mother tonight. Bless her heart she did not know it was going to affect me this hard and she meant no harm by it. I guess my cousin and his wife of maybe 2 years are now pregnant. They are younger than me. They've only been in a relationship a quarter of the time that I have and here they fucking are pregnant. The whole family is moving on with life and accomplishing their milestones while I'm stuck fucking still.

Why does this have to be so hard? How can I be failing so much as a human animal?

Shit. Might be time to go to counseling soon.


Dana said...


I cannot imagine the emotions you are going through, but know that I'm here to listen and support you any way I can!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

You haven't failed. I've been pregnant 9 times and have 2 children. When people know that, they say "You must be very optimistic." And I say, "I'm just stubborn and I don't take 'No' for an answer."

For some of us, it just takes longer. It totally sucks and I'm sorry this is so hard for you. Email me if you need to talk. {{{Hugs}}}

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine the frustration you must feel and I now it's got to be difficult to not take it as a personal shortcoming. But dude(ette) - when you were being made, you never got to pick which parts would work and which wouldn't.

Keep trying, maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't. But don't look at it as your fault. At least the practicing is fun, right?

Anonymous said...

I wish I could say something to cheer you up....

Anonymous said...

You know? I won't even pretend to know how you feel. However, I do know how one feels when a member of the family (wittingly or unwittingly) says that one thing that puts you in the shitter. I have been there on that one.

If you would be willing to take my advice, just remember that at the end of the day, there is only you and how you feel about yourself. And I think you have to start believing that you are more superior than you think you are.

Keep the faith!