08 August 2010

Praise Jeebus and Pass the Vodka

Today is the annual family going to church day. It actually sounds like we'll have a fairly decent turn out for it too. I'm up early and showered and almost ready to go. Hubby on the other hand will probably set us at arriving right in the procession. After that we head back to the parents for lunch and bull shitting. I better put my social pants on. I may need some liquid help with that. I do have a cube of beer in my trunk for the occasion. I may drink just to celebrate it being over with for another year!

Yesterday was the starts of the weekend fun with the annual guys golf outing. I'm there because, well, I can fit in with the guys. It was my dad, uncle, and hubby with me. I look forward to the time of year where somebody hands me a six pack and the keys to a motorized vehicle. I was somewhat disappointed this year that the cart I had was throttled down a bit so you couldn't fuck around it in. It started off as a nightmare but as aiming fluid (aka beer) was introduced to the equation we suddenly were getting better. First funny of the day was when we made it to the first hole with a portapotty on it. Well, what goes in must come out and after 4 beers, something has to fly. It was a little down and left of the tee box. I was the last to tee and my uncle was in the crapper. Just my luck, the ball went right at the plastic crapper. My dad was standing outside of it and dive bombed to miss getting hit. It dropped and came to a rest right under the edge of the housing. So then Dad decided to pick it up and throw it at the porta crapper. Amusement number 1. Guy can't piss in peace without getting hit by a ball. This came into play again later when there was a portacrapper on the other side of the green. Uncle decided he had deliver the loan right at that point. We had to do a small chip shot to get it up on the green. Hubby put way to much power into it and sent it over the other side. You guessed it, it was heading for the portacrapper. To be a douche, hubby ran and got his ball and threw it up against the plastic housing again. My poor uncle couldn't piss in peace for anything!

OOOH! I'm sure you all remember me bitching yesterday about my mother wanting to go golfing. She wouldn't mention it to me after I told her no so I told Dad he needed to take care of it. Well he lied very good! He took the economic angle of they'd have to pay for golf, clubs, and the cart and needed a tee time even though they weren't going to actually golf. This worked brilliantly! I'm just hoping she doesn't call the golf course now. She would have never made it. This hurt. And that hurt. And she's just so tired. Then my sister texts me right before I went to bed last night that Mom is sick. She has a fever. We both just shook heads and said fuck it, not worth getting worked up over.

Tomorrow I will be en route to Florida on my Boeing Chariot to Freedom! I do plan on purchasing the in flight internet so keep and eye out for me on Twitter and Gmail :) Say hi or send me something to make me shoot coffee out my nose and get everyone to wonder :) Nudity works too but I may get in trouble for that.

I better get my hairs in place and war paint on and get my ass to church!

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