Impatience

I've lost all patience. I can't stand being down anymore. I can't stand not being able to do shit. I know I have a finite amount of pain pills but staying on a schedule is not helping to conserve them. As it stands right now, I'm down to 4 pills. Fuck me.

The part that gets me the worst is how alone I feel. How dare I schedule surgery during field work on the farm. I have awesome friends and family offering to help for even the littlest things. I shouldn't have to though! The one person who should be here to help me isn't! I'm very bitter. I'm very hurt. I cried my eyes out today because of it. I could tell him to get his ass home but I know just seeing him here would piss me off knowing he'd rather be doing farm work. Ugh!!

I'm supposed to be going back to work on Monday. Yeah. Not sure how the hell that's going to happen. Just fuck.

I honestly don't know what point I was trying to make when I opened this page so I guess I'll shut up for now....