05 June 2011

Cue Hormones...

Yup. It has gotten to the best of me. I now feel like a fat, unwanted, unattractive piece of shit.

I know I shouldn't feel this way but the culmination of this week has really hit my ego hard.

First off, let's have an office full of guys come up to me and ask if we are hiring the new hot chick. She's skinny. She's pretty. She's young. I don't think I've ever in my life heard those words uttered about me and here I have all my male coworkers coming up to me saying this. Ouch. Thanks guys. I feel really great about myself now.

Hubby has been working on the family farm all week. I understand that. The planting needs to be done. The part that hurt was that the planting is now done as of yesterday and he wants to be gone looking to help someone with a house remodel. Umm..Hello? What about your wife and future kid? Don't you think they want to spend some time with you? That there are things around the place that you pay the mortgage on that need to be done just as bad as the planting? You really don't want to be around your wife?

I'm also hard on myself. I look in the mirror and I don't see anything of me prepregnancy. My hair is uncooperative and short now. The color is horrendous since I can't get my highlights done. My face just does not have good texture or glow. It makes me sick to look at it. The rest of my body has grossities that cropped up since the pregnancy started and I just hate it. I hope it's just temporary but who knows.

I just wish I could find a way to make myself feel attractive or at least not hideous right now. Off to the corner to cry now....

1 comment:

Joker_SATX said...

Yet your writing is descriptive and brings the emotions you are feeling to life. As I read this I am closing my eyes and sitting right beside you sharing your pain.

Not everything is as ugly as you think it is. This is why I read your blog.