Skunked Out

We were anticipating a nice first snow of the season here. Yeah. They lied. It all went south and we are still looking at ugly dead grass and transient leaves.

I was so ecstatic the other day when I found out it was going to snow. Ya see today is the start of the Christmas get togethers and this one is my mom's side. It's a 2 hour drive to my cousin's house to eat a meal, bull shit, and then come home. Normally I really wouldn't mind it and I'd suck it up with some wine and I'd live. This year 2 of the cousins are pregnant. Yeah. Really do not want to see that. Cousin 1 is on their 3rd. Cousin in law 2 is on their first. They just got married less than 2 years ago. Here's Cousin 3, infertile as fuck, been married longer than both of them, and right at the heart wrenching time of figuring out if this last month worked or not. I just don't have it in me to deal with that.

I also have the excuse that Hubby is sicker than a dog and I'm not taking him to this. (Yeah, kinda weak since I've gone to this without him before.) I drug his ass into urgent care last night because I knew there had to be something wrong because he let me drive his truck with his work trailer because he said he was too weak to. Yeah. The man rarely lets me even think of driving his truck much less even entertained the thought of with his trailer. We were going in. Turns out he has an ear infection and a couple viruses going on. He did get antibiotics so that should take care of whatever is growing in him. I was happy with that. Got him home, poured him on the futon and out he went.

Work this last week has been a crazy dream. Firings. Hirings. Pending firings. Weird work flows. I was just happy that it was done.

On the baby front, here we are. I had decided that I wasn't going to pick an arbitrary date to pee on something to give me the news. I just wanted to stay calm and continue on as if I were. Last night I went into elations and depression. I either had a little bit of implantation blood or it's the starts of the visitor. I knew only time would tell so I started feeling every twinge down there trying to figure out which way it was. I tested this morning and of course it was negative but if bean first implanted yesterday there's probably not enough hcg in the ol system to show up right? After that last night I've had no confirmation of the visitor since so maybe? Please? Just MAYBE??

I should go take a shower and blow some money. That might help me today.