04 April 2010

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to all! I was a heathen and didn't go to church again this year. I suck. I know.

I did spend a fair amount of time with the families this weekend. It was a nice weekend. I'm reprioritizing life. Work can kiss my ass. I've had a person trying to contact me all weekend to do some under the table work for her. She wanted it done this weekend and gave me zero warning. The other part is it is about a 5 hour drive one way. Yeah. Eat shit and die bitch. Yet she still tried to call me every hour this weekend. When she was able to get text messages I finally told her off. I was spending time with my family and I could possibly do some phone support tomorrow night. About a year ago I'm sure my ass would have been on a road to go do the work. Amazing what happens when you grow up a bit.

I am home this week. It feels good. It feels odd. I don't know what the hell has happened to me but I just cannot relax here. I feel like I need to be going to see someone or packing and getting ready to leave. I just have to go to the office tomorrow. Nothing major and I'm struggling to keep my butt in a chair.

Baby front is frustrating the ever loving fuck out of me. This is the time where this month's work will prove fruitful or not. I started cramping a bit on Friday. A few took my breath away. I've been cramping since then but nothing happening if you get my drift. The tests have been negative. I'm bloated so bad that I can't wear regular pants right now. It hurts way too much. It seems to kick up the cramping into high gear when I do. I'm starting to feel discouraged. I'm feeling defeated. I just don't understand why this is so hard. The one thing that I was put on this earth for I can't even do. Darwin can just take me out because I obviously suck and natural selection should be taking hold. I'm still holding hope that this cramping and bloating may be a good thing and that I'm too early to pop a positive test. If it doesn't show anything by Tuesday I'll know that I've failed again.

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