17 October 2009

Real Life Wrap Up

The gorgeous, sexy, smart, delectable, and many other adjectives, ASM popped in my chat tonight to see if I was ok and alive. Yes, I am. I love the bloggers out here. It's like another family making sure that you are ok and the thing that makes them better than family is they don't drive me insane and I enjoy spending time with them. I've just had a lot of shit going on in real life that hasn't been directly me but has been affecting me.

First, my sister has started the separation from her husband. He's playing mind games with her and it is affecting their children. I am close with my sister and it hurts to see this dickhead fucking with her and my boys. I've seen this twice before with her and those guys are lucky they still have testicles. Tack on the death of one of her cats really hasn't made things any better there either.

One of my friends also broke up with her boyfriend too. He tried killing her. Shortly after her mother committed a murder/suicide. My heart aches for her. She found a nicer guy now and just as life seems to be getting better, her job is threatened. She thinks I'm part of it. That hurts like hell. I had nothing to do with it. I just got suckered into the whole flame.

I also got another phone call today from a coworker who had his girlfriend of many years leave him today. They could be considered married since they owned a home together, had their finances together, and they were living together as one big happy family.

Work has sucked ass for over the last year for me. I've wanted to find a new job. I've sent out at least 100 resumes. I've had a bite on exactly 3. 2 required relocation, 1 just didn't give me a reason why I didn't make it to the next step. I've applied for jobs that are so perfect yet I believe I'm not getting them because they are involved with my current company in some way. Might I also add, most of the industry is not very enamored with my current employer. My direct supervisor has changed a few months ago to someone who is much more tolerable. There is one coworker that was hired a year ago that should have never been hired. She makes life miserable for everyone. She refuses to work and tow her line. Supposedly she's going to get fired in the next week or two. I may leave work to go drinking after that.

I hurt my back in August and I'm finally getting off of work restrictions this week. It's been a bear keeping down this long. I don't deal well with not doing my work. I need to be up and moving around. I guess it's a sign of getting older.

Work has been such a pain in the ass that I had to start on antidepressants last fall. I had to try several before going back to the first one I tried. Being on those and just being depressed has caused me to gain 35 pounds. I feel anything but sexy. I'm starting to be able to watch what I eat more. I've cut out a lot of my fast food breakfasts and lunches. I've learned to stock my desk with cans of soup, easy mac, and bring in other assorted foods instead of going out. I think it might be helping but I do find myself eating more often during the day. I did join a gym last winter but I haven't been back there since the first month. A couple of weeks after I joined work went downhill more with having to be on call every other week. I really did not want to get in the middle of a good sweat and then get called out on an emergency. Now that the back is feeling better, I really need to go back and try this again. I just wish I had a friend to go with me. Going alone is painful and easy to skip.

I've been finding myself sleeping more and more again. I've been sleeping till noon every weekend. I go to bed at 10 and I still sleep that long. Then I just sit around and do some odds and ends around the house. I have no ambition to do anything else. Hubby is usually gone on the weekends doing farm work and other odds and ends so I'm just here with the cats. If he is home, sitting around is pretty much all we do anyway. I wish I had a hobby to go to.

The damn holidays are coming up on me and I have no clue how I'm going to pay for this. I really feel more and more screwed every year. All the rest of the family has kids that we spend tons of money on and we don't have kids so it seems like they are getting off a hell of a lot cheaper. I'm just a bit bitter about that right now.

So this is where I am. It's not pretty. I just need to figure out a way to get out of this funk.

1 comment:

Sugardaddy said...

Perhaps a Packers victory?