I'm In Love

Tuesday morning I woke up and knew it wasn't going to be a good after still having belly issues after writing the constitution and the bill of rights all over again. I had contractions and pressure and knew something was up. I had an ultrasound that morning to check the fluid levels and my cervix. The fluid had dropped and the cervix had thinned out. Cletus's head was so low that I swear she just held the probe near my crotch and you could see his head. I made it back to my room and tried to lay to stop the contractions I was having. That was no dice. I put my foot down to take a shower. My nurse was cool with it. We were pretty much on the same page of get a shower in now because this is not looking to be a good day. I showered and contracted and made it back into bed. Doc was consulted and it was decided to up the magnesium. Aww yeah...I was stoned. I didn't eat lunch because I didn't care and my stomach wasn't up to it. I stared at the walls mumbling prayers. I was talking out of my ass too. It was kinda fun except for still having contractions. During the stoned hours my contractions slowed to 12 minutes apart. When I came out of the haze, they went back to 6. That's too many. Up went the magnesium again. I was snowed for probably 15 minutes this time which is very short. The contractions stayed the same. During this time they prepped my room for delivery. That sobered me up really quick. Doc came back in after this round and checked me said that it was time. It was time to stop the magnesium and get the stitches out. I was relieved and scared shitless all at the same time. We waited for the nicu team and neonatologist to get in and be ready. Once everyone was in place, up went my legs and the doc dove in to cut the stitches. I was immediately 3 cm dilated. The contractions remained and slowly got stronger. I was progressing great. I made it to 5 cm within 2 hours. I was told take some pain meds now or it will be too late. I was not going to be pushing without something. The contractions sucked at this point. The iv drugs took the edge off. Then the shit wore off. I stalled at 5 cm for 2 hours with stronger contractions. Doc said it would be time to start the pitocin to get this show on the road. I put my foot down and said no pitocin til I have an epidural. By this time I was beaten. I moaned through every contraction. I felt like I was screaming. I couldn't wait for the epidural. When the anesthesiologist finally showed she had me sit up for this. This was the most torture in my life! I was on the crack of where the labor bed broke down. Boy's head was trying to peek out my ass and that hurt like hell. Then add the contractions on and boy was that worst pain in my life. I was the screamer. Of course I had to hold still and not move a bit. I will never wait that long again. Once the drugs took affect I was soooooo happy. I could still feel the pressure of boy trying to pop out but I had no pain. Within an hour I was at 8 cm and ready push. I just needed that pain relief and relaxation. The whole team descended on the room. I didn't care that I had a whole baseball team lookin at my cootch. It was an unkept cootch to boot. Just the day before I had asked hubby to bring my trimmer in and I was going to take care of the Amazon one way or another. Oh well. I'm sure they didn't care but still crossed my mind. We did a test push and then it was time. There everyone stood with a finger up their nose waiting for my next contraction. Thumbs were twiddling, including mine. Then it finally came. 4 rounds of pushing was all I needed. I must say that boy's shoulders overroad the epidural and that hurt like heck but it was over quick. His cord was cut and he was handed over to the nicu team. They worked on him and I did get to hear him squeak. My baby boy was here. Doc and the resident were busy at work in my crotch but I didn't care. Before the nicu team left, they let me touch his little hand. It was surreal. He was so tiny. He was whisked off to the nicu and still needed to give birth to the placenta. So there we twiddled again. It just wasn't coming out. In the end they ended up shooting some pitocin directly into the placenta and some heavy pressure got it to let loose. They cleaned up and soon I was just waiting to feel my legs to go see my boy. That took a couple of hours and I was exhausted but nothing could keep me from him. Off we went and I got to see my perfect baby. The poor guy was hooked up to a respirator and had lines all over the place. I was in love. I could go to sleep then.

The days since have been a blur. That first day was a painful exhausting mess. I came home on the second day. It was so bittersweet. I was finally released from my prison after 3 weeks. On the other hand I was going home without my child. The rest of this week was spent sleeping, pumping and getting to know our son. I'm more in love now that ever. I pray God doesn't take this precious child away from us. He's made it this far and is strong as ever. I know it can change on a dime but hopefully his stubbornness will win.

I want to thank everyone who has sent prayers, thoughts, good wishes and everything our way. So far it has helped and I'm sure we wouldn't be where we are without everything. I love you all and thank you from the bottom of my heart.