06 December 2008

Now Offering....

I'm now offering a blow job, clit lick, boobie suck, rusty trombone, lap dance, whipping, caning, or whatever to whoever comes over to my house and cleans this shit hole.  I don't know how this place has gotten so trashed when I'm not home and Hubby isn't home.  I should put out surveillance cameras to see what the cats are doing while I'm gone.  

I'm trying to clean up the place so I can get a tree.  I requested the check book from the CFO and was granted access.  Hehehehe.....  I was told to get a Charlie Brown tree to hang from the ceiling this year.  I said we could decorate it with whips and chains.  A family pack of condoms would work well for ornaments.  A manly masturbator would work well instead of a star.  Y'all know the one I'm talkin about.   

(With the amount of Mountain Dew Hubby drinks, I could easiliy do this!!!)

On a serious note, there should be something in marriage law that states you do not pick out a tree alone.  That's what's happened now.  This will be the first year of getting a fake tree.  We've always gotten real trees that you do the cut your own thing.  Very sad that a little thing like this can upset a girl.  So I hope people don't rail into me for being such a fuddy duddy with this holiday season.  I'm just not feeling it.  Everybody for them fuckin selves.  

8 comments:

Jennybean said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennybean said...

Get your bah humbug but outta here!


And get some frikken Christmas cheer!

Evening said...

I think houses get messier when you are almost never there, because you run in and out and just kind of drop things as you go. Never time to straighten up or put things where they belong, everything is done on the fly.
We got a real tree a couple of years ago, my family had a fit but really, it is so much easier for me to deal with. No Mess and availible to put up whenever you want.
Tis the season, AC.

The Savage said...

The Mountain Dew tree is nifty but I'm not so much for it...
I'd have made mine with beer cans and had intermittent beer bottles with and for lights.

What does washing your dishes get me?

pure evyl said...

A rusty trombone makes for great Holiday music.

C.S. Perry said...

Cleaning is for suckers with nothing better to do.
Maybe Baby Jesus will show up and clean your place.
But I'm not too sure if he'll be interested in your "offer."

Sugardaddy said...

We did a fake tree for several years. Actually until I said "I aint dragging this MoFo up the staircase one more time. Go real. The kitties like it so much more.

Evening said...

Are you buried under the snow up there?
Hope you are warm, safe and dry.
xo